Why I’m Thankful for the Church I Grew Up In

Not because of the poor theology it provided, but for the community it left me with to this day. 

“The great struggle of the Christian life is to take God’s name for us, to believe we are beloved and to believe that is enough.” -Rachel Held Evans, “Searching for Sundays: Loving, Leaving, and Finding the Church”

Rachel Held-Evans was one of the greatest Theologians of our time. And I have always adored this quote of hers. Believing I am beloved used to be so fucking hard. For all of my young life I was taught that I was not enough for God, that I was dirty, that I was unloved, that I was unworthy of their presence. But the *small* community I found in my conservative evangelical Church made me feel so beloved when I was younger, even when I didn’t feel beloved myself and they still make me feel that way to this day. 

Just a couple months ago the Church I grew up in gave a sermon called “Gospel Blueprints for Sexuality and Gender”. After a few hard ciders I decided to listen to it. It was just as bad as you would expect, nothing too crazy. 

The pastor claims that it is (gender and sexuality) a “pressing pastoral issue”. I agree with him, it is. But I think thats where our agreement ends. LGBTQ+ issues are a pressing pastoral issue in the Church. Especially as we see an increase of LGBTQ+ people leaving the Church as it is, myself included. We are not leaving because we want to. I love the Church, I love the community it provided me with, I love the worship I experienced. But finding a place of worship where we feel totally beloved is so hard. We are leaving because we are unloved and unaffirmed. We are leaving because we are choosing to love ourselves and God, rather than love an imperfect institution. 

Now to get back on track, the Church I grew up in provided me with so much community, that still to this day I’m so thankful for. Now it may not be the community you’re used to from the Church, it is not the community I was forced into by the Church. It is the community I found. It was a community of youth leaders and friends from all different grades. It is a community that to this day I am still thankful for. 

The community I found accepted me for the young queer person I was, even before I accepted myself. I found a community that has supported from the age of 12ish to now (23). I love this community so so so much. 

When I came out to my parents, I called a handful of people before I did it. Anyone that wasn’t family was someone I had met in Church. These people helped me find myself and love myself. This handful of people were essential to my coming out process, not just my public one but so much my personal/religious one. They have always loved and affirmed me and my sexuality and for that I am so so grateful. 

For me my personal coming out process took years. From the time I was young I struggled with my sexuality. I had, for so many years not acknowledged my sexuality because I was scared of the backlash I would receive from friends and family. But the community I found in Church loved me so much that I finally learned how to love my whole queer self. 

For this community I am so grateful. Grateful that they showed me I was enough for God and that I was loved fully by him. Thank you to this community, I hope you all know who you are. I love you all dearly..