“It’s okay. It may not seem like it right now, but you are going to be fine. I know it’s scary, but don’t be afraid. You are who you are, and you should love that person, and I don’t want anyone to have to go through 22 years of their life afraid to accept that.”
― Connor Franta
Dear younger Turner, how I wish you could have heard and listened to these words. Life does not always get better. Sounds morbid I know, but it’s the truth. Thats something you have gotten better at, seeing the truth. You have gotten better at coping with things and you are on medicine that actually works, you have a therapist who listens and validates all your feelings, you are surrounded by people that love you and would do anything for you, you have found things you actually enjoy doing and you actually do them and don’t just think about doing them.
Now I know the me from a 2 years ago is reading this is some universe or future with time travel, so no it didn’t happen. We think about it sometimes, but we are happy now without him. We are happy with ourselves.
I am so sorry it took us so long to be happy, growing up I can’t remember a period of my life where I was just happy. Of course I had happy moments and happy things happened, but I can’t think of a time I was happy and it feels fucking amazing. I don’t think we were unhappy because of any specific event or any specific person. I think we were so worried about our sexuality that we couldn’t feel anything else but fear. Fear that we would never find love, fear that we would lose relationships, fear that we would lose Church, fear that we would lose everything that we knew. Fear controlled our life. Fear that at any moment our secret would be revealed and our life would crumble.
I have good news though, you are happy now. You are genuinely happy. Of course you have sad moments or thoughts and of course you have episodes of depression. But you worry about them less because you know what to do when those things happen. I know now that if I feel like I need to sleep 14 hours a day then I’m going to do that, because its just what I need. But I also know that when I do that I need to get up early one morning and go on a hike and soak in the peacefulness because that also brings me joy.
You bake all the time now. Baking has become one of your favorite things, and no not just cause you do it drunk. And you go live on instagram for people to watch you bake while drunk and spill the tea on occasion. And you have so much fun doing it and thats what matters in life, it brings you joy. And I plan on drunk baking until I don’t feel happiness from it anymore
Omg we also love coffee now and I know we used to hate it and have to put an exuberant amount of sugar, but now all we need is a splash of oat milk. Oh yeah we finally listened to our body and stopped drinking milk because it hurts our tummy :(.
8 1/2 years later and yes we still work at Chick-fil-A and we love it so much. Our coworkers are amazing and so supportive and would do anything at the drop of a hat for us, and they literally have. Our boss is amazing and cares for us so much and is truly invested in our growth personally and professionally. She reminds us of a boss we used to have ;). And we were bored so we just got a job at Starbucks so we’ll see how that turns out.
As usual this was ramble, but to me ramble just means truthfulness.
All of this to say that Turner you are now happy, I am now happy. And for that I am so grateful.
Welcome To Schrödinger's Turner 
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