Turner at 21 vs Younger Turner

Please enjoy this picture of 15 year old Turner with Pumba

Sorry for the shitty person I was, I am better now but am always evolving. Lots have changed and some have stayed the same. Lets start with the latter: I am still in love with Jesus but the Jesus I love now is a lot different than the Jesus I grew up believing in; the Jesus/Church believe in now is completely different than the Jesus I thought I knew, I still believe that Delaware is the best state ever and always will be, I still strongly believe in homeschooling and that it has many great benefits (but also understand that it is not available to everyone). Now to different: I LOVE coffee its delicious and the fuel of life; I used to think coffee was the worst thing on the planet but boy has that changed, I have learned to form my own opinions and they have changed vastly from when I was younger (sorry peeps I went to high school with, consider this blog pretty much an ongoing apology), I have learned that all humans are valuable no matter their circumstances or the cards they were dealt, I have learned that as humans we cannot see something we don’t agree with happening and just sit back and do nothing; if we want change we have to fight for it, and I have finally learned to love myself and realize that I was made to be me (this one was hard, like really fucking hard) I learned that to be the best me I had to be authentic whether that looks pretty or not. 

Now let us focus in on that last one. Loving my queer self has been one of the hardest things that I have tried to accomplish; it took lots of research, lots of self hate, lots of reading, lots of YouTube videos (thanks to Connor Franta, who’s coming out video had a very huge impact on me), lots of fighting with myself and other people, lots of questioning what God actually says vs. what I was taught all my life. But most of all it was a lot of fear, fear of the friends and family I would lose, fear of the opportunities I would be denied because of my sexual identity, fear that I would never be able to have kids, and fear that everything I ever knew was crashing down right in front of me. Everything I ever knew was crashing right in front of me; the beliefs I have always believed started to not feel right to me, the way I looked at the world became so different. And the fear I feel pales in comparison to the rest of the LGBTQ+ community, as a cis white man I suffer a fraction of the discrimination that the rest of the community suffers.

But things are getting better, things do get better. I have found a community of people all around the country that I know would do anything for me and I would do the same for them, I have found an online community which I know some people think online communities are just bs but they aren’t; online communities are just as real as a physical community, I have found myself in a way I never thought possible, and I have found peace in myself and the understanding that things are going to happen and you just can’t stop it. 

I have to remind myself every day that I have to fight for what I believe in and when I don’t fight I am remaining complacent in the status quo. When I look back on my life and am talking to my children about it I want to be able to tell them that I fought for what I believe, that I did not remain complacent and took a stand no matter what the consequences were. 

Delaware? It’s amazing: no sales tax, first state, Joe Biden, proximity to large cities with a small town feel, first state, it’s a small wonder, Wawa, and I can’t remember if I said this one FIRST state. Yeah I love Delaware but I am pretty biased I guess I have emotional ties and memories to it, but whatever it’s great. 

Finally let me again say sorry. I’m sorry for my younger self. I didn’t know any better, I believed what I was told and it just made sense to me. So I’m sorry, I am whole ass person now with my own opinions now and they have done like a full 180 from when I was younger.

I am thankful people have enough grace to let me and others progress in their opinions and views. 

I am a rambler with horrible grammar, so sorry 🙂